You know what’s just the worst?

When a brand-new, freshly-taped diaper leaks right away.

(Okay, okay, “the worst” is hyperbole. We’re all aware at this blog that there are greater tragedies in the world than some pee on the seat of your pants.)

But it is obnoxious, even the skeptics will have to grant. It’s just such a betrayal.

For one thing, you’ve got a leak to deal with. There is pee where you didn’t want it. That’s always a pain.

Then there’s the nagging doubts — did you screw up the tapes? Was it how you were sitting? Should you have fastened things in a different order? Did you need more powder, less powder, more cream, no cream; the right offerings to the Diaper Gods? Most of the time none of those things are relevant, and you just had a bad diaper or a weird angle or some other uncontrollable piece of lousy luck, but try telling that to your brain.

And of course, on a purely economic level, it’s a waste. If you’re buying high-quality disposable diapers, that’s a buck or two down the drain. If you’re using cloth, it’s a wash that much sooner (or a new pair of plastic underpants, if the ones you’ve got have developed a permanent leak).

There’s just nothing good about it. Except, I suppose, for the folks on the fetish side of thing who enjoy an embarrassing leak or just the pure, physical sensation of pee soaking into their pants…more power to you if you can make it work for you!

But for most of us, the “insta-leak” is such a letdown. Comes with the territory — but that doesn’t mean I gotta like it.