I’m always loathe to use the phrase “coming out” to refer to things that aren’t actually, you know, coming out.
It feels very appropriating, especially when used in the context of a kink or fetish rather than a physical condition — the reality is that wearing diapers for fun and plewp_e, while not exactly socially approved, is certainly not the same sort of uphill struggle that open homosexuality has historically been.
But all that said, there usually are times when a diaper lover or an adult baby needs to let someone who’s not part of the “scene” know about his or her predilections, and that can be a tough, awkward conversation.
Here’s what I’ve learned from my years of wearing diapers:
1. Be Honest with Yourself about Who Needs to Know
A rule of thumb that has always served me well is this: if it will require specific effort to hide my diaper-wearing from an individual, I’m better off telling that individual.
That’s both courtesy to them (honesty = good) and less mental stress for you (deception = work). You don’t want to have to be constantly worrying that you’ve left a used diaper somewhere, or that your stash will be discovered, or that a bit of plastic will poke out of your waistband at the wrong moment. It just wears you down and makes you feel awful.
So take a good stock of the people in your life who are going to find out anyway, and who might be affected by it. Your co-workers don’t all need to know, for example, since it doesn’t have much impact on them, but you probably want to discreetly inform your boss so that he or she is prepared in advance if anyone does notice and is rude enough to mention it “up the chain.”
Similarly, anyone you’re sharing a house with — parents, roommates, spouses, whatever — definitely needs to know. You’re sharing bathrooms, trash cans, and other real, practical things that your diaper-wearing affects.
Make your own calls — but make them honestly. Don’t try to wriggle out by telling yourself that so-and-so probably won’t ever notice. If you’re in their life a lot, or vice versa, they should probably be in the loop.
2. Don’t Make a Show of It
People respond to cues. If you call everyone together and tell them you have a shocking revelation that might upset them, they’re going to be primed to be upset. Avoid the “family meeting” or “relationship counseling” sort of solemn-faced, grim-voiced scenario.
Instead, just pull the person you need to tell quietly aside during some everyday interaction and say “Hey, let me grab you for a moment.”
Then, lead off with “This isn’t really a big deal, but I thought you should probably know…” and segue into your explanation. Treat it with a little gentle humility, but don’t act like you’re letting them in on a huge, life-changing secret. You’re really not.
The more ordinary you make your explanation, the more likely it is that your listener will accept your diaper wearing as just that — ordinary.
3. Avoid Detailed Explanations
You don’t have to tell everyone your motivation for wearing diapers. In fact, if the motivation is primarily sexual, it’s pretty rude to. They don’t want to hear that, any more than you want to know what gets their naughty bits tingling!
A good explanation should go something like “Since you’re going to be seeing me around a lot anyway, I just thought you should know: I wear diapers, and they do show from time to time. Don’t be shocked if my pants look a little thick or I’ve got some plastic sticking out over my waistband or whatever.”
They may ask “why,” though most people won’t. Even then you’re allowed to keep it vague: “It’s something I’ve needed to do for a while now. I’m not getting sick or anything, I just need diapers under my clothing.”
Avoid getting into nuances of medical conditions, incontinence, psychological issues, or anything else along those lines. “I need them and I wear them” is more than enough.
And that’s all there is to it — it’s not always a fun conversation to have, and it can be especially hard with family members, but at the end of the day it takes about fifteen minutes of mild embarrassment Compare that to the hurt feelings that will inevitably occur if someone finds out and realizes that you didn’t trust him or her with the information, and it’s well worth the brief awkwardness.
Sometimes I think we make it more of a big deal then we think! Everybody has there own thing!
We build it in our mind and pretty soon it’s a mountain. In the day we live in with all the publicity
of all kinds of orientations, why should it be such a big deal. So I Wear diapers and like it. Like all
these other people with different orientations think, try it you may like it. I think all women wish they
had a man who honestly wanted to make them feel young, especially when they are getting older.
Most women I know who have tried it, found out it really felt great! I have found women who are
real hyper using it for a way to calm them down. They have been using it in Europe for years for that
very purpose, who know how much in the states! I find after awhile if I go to bed with out them on, I
can’t sleep good! Again try it, you might like. Just make your mind up to wear them for couple weeks
and you’ll feel better then you ever have. Like the ad says ” Your going to feel great! I guarantee it!
I wish telling certain family members was that easy. My parents are traditionalists and the notion that I like diapers freaked them out. They thought that something was wrong with me and told me I was not normal. I tried reasoning with them but it failed. Logic does not work on the irrational. I still wear diapers but in secrets as my parents don’t want them in the house ever. Any advice on how to handle parents who think the notion of wearing diapers is bad or not normal unless your over sixty?
It’s ok if you like diapers if your parents don’t like that. That’s their problem you like what you like.
When I first started to need diapers from spinal stenosis nerve damage in my neck and lower back, I was so ashamed I tried to get a prescription from my neurosurgeon without telling my GP. Of course, it failed and my GP wanted to set an appointment. I could barely look him in the eye when I told him I was wetting the bed. I mean, come on, 37 and wetting the bed? He filled out my medical determination form on the spot and told me he understood because it was nerve damage.
At that point I had already told my wife and she was really supportive. Occasionally she would wear one with me and comment on how comfortable it was. She never made fun of me or let our sex life fall off – we still made love every night (on average). She even suggested I wear Bambinos (she said it was a fun way to deal with a not-so-fun problem) and now I use Bellissimos every night.
Then came hospital stays for surgeries. On the first surgery, it wasn’t bad until the nurses saw I had a diaper on and that I had removed the catheter I had in me. I was embarassed, but it was easier to move around in bed because of the plastic and I didn’t have 16 inches of the wrong size latex tube going to my bladder. It turns out I need a 20 French catheter and not a 14 French. Of course when I made the comment that I needed a bigger one on the following surgery they put a 24 French in and it really hurt to leave it in for 8 hours. Anyway, on the third surgery I forgot to pack enough supplies and I didn’t have trouble asking for diapers. The nurses were so nice about it and actually asked if I needed help changing. Fortunately, I didn’t.
After three years, I now need a pull-up or diaper on 24/7 from incontinence. Honestly, only a few people know and I have no desire to tell people. If they catch me then fine – it’s because I have nerve damage in my neck and back. However, several people have seen me in a pull-up or diaper. Mostly these are nurses and doctors but I sometimes just wear a Real Fit and a t-shirt around the house. My wife thinks it is sexy that I am confident enough to walk around like that. It doesn’t hurt that I work out 5 days a week either.
The real trick is keeping the area clean so that people can’t SMELL that I am in a diaper. Showering regularly is a must. Also, I use the Aloe Vesta line of skincare products and Aveeno diaper rash cream to protect my skin. Nothing is sexier than having sex with someone who has diaper rash, right? LOL. Caldescene powder has a scent most people are not familiar with if you powder your diaper at night. Johnson’s baby powder will give you away. Also, I keep the area shaved clean since hair traps odors. And, like Geoffrey said, when disposing of a used diaper, be discreet! Roll it up tight, tape it closed and throw it away in a separate bag. Take it with you if you have to to throw away later.
In the end, once my shame went away I still liked being discreet, but don’t have a problem if I get found out. Everyone who knows is supportive. And, I have come to like the way diapers feel, so it all works out.
Jason – it’s definitely a lot tougher in the living with the parents scenario. I sort of want to do a post specifically for people who are still in that situation, but without putting Adrian in the awkward place of dealing with potentially underage viewers. It’s a really tough gray area for adult diaper users to get into — there’s so much potential to be creepy if not downright illegal, but on the flip side there really does need to be a good resource out there for teens and people still living with parents that are into this (a situation I myself was in years ago).
Short summary, though: it’s a tough issue, and if you’ve told your parents directly and they’re actively opposed there’s not much you can do. Like any other choice in that situation, whether it’s the car you want to buy, the person you’re dating, the diapers you’re wearing, or anything else, the answer really does come down to “it’s their house and it’s their rules — you can lie and cheat and accept the potential consequences, or you can endure until you can move out.” Neither of which is good! But that’s sort of the life of the dependent, and also good motivation to become not-a-dependent as quickly as possible.
Taking two college-aged daughters with me on my recent European vacation made it pretty much impossible not to tell them about my incontinence and diaper-dependence. Turned out to be much less of a big deal than I had anticipated. The youngest couldn’t help a bit of a laugh but then quickly settled down, and they both were completely fine with it all the way. When we visited a friend in Norway for a few days I of course told her as well–matter of factly, as I had told my girls. You have to: you’re in her house and using her garbage cans. (Not to mention the fact that I was running low and was going to need her assistance to find a place to buy some more.) 😉 Again, no big deal. People generally accept things, I think, though you should probably avoid TMI.