Society, more specifically the United States, I find is very close minded and not open to much being different. I have heard that outside the United States – people are more accepting of being different and some countries actively promote differences. Here in the United States, a close minded society combined with traditional thinking in mainly the older generations makes being different a challenge.
I have never been one to judge anyone else for their differences or quirks because I feel like that is what makes life so different and unique. We all have our own unique things about one another and whether that is quirky, weird, different, or whatever – that is what makes you!
Obviously, living in diapers is outside the norm for society and I can understand that to some extent. But, what really gets me is when people are so close minded that they don’t want to take the couple minutes to think, learn or understand those differences. They want to judge based on preconceived notions of what society deems normal.
I believe the key to unlocking that openness in a person to trying to understand someone else’s differences is in the approach. You want to minimize the shock factor to people and approach a person whether it is about diapers or something else in a non-threatening way. I am sure many people when they first hear it think it could be a joke. Which, if that is how they want to reconcile it in their mind and leads to a more lighthearted talk about the subject than that is a good thing. It is a bad thing when you do not ease them into the new idea but rather throw a bunch of “new” information and ideas at them and expect them not to react in a “shocked” way. You have to ease society into new ideas, especially the traditional society that is the United States.
With my need for wearing diapers stemming from a medical issue it makes it easier on some level to explain to people. And, in all honesty if people in the society are going to be so judgmental than I support telling a small lie to decrease the shock factor and allow people to be more accepting of an issue. I have always had a problem with people that jump to conclusions so quickly because I am such a non-judgmental person. It is just annoying to me people cannot see the differences that make us all unique.
I want to give specific tips on how I would approach close minded societies about wearing diapers but honestly each one would probably be its own post because of how long it would take to write about it and explain it. Bottom line, close minded societies hinder the ability for differences and creativity to be expressed. People want to live in their safe “orb” and not realize that what they do is probably bizarre and different on massive scales to other people but to them they think it is normal. It is in my opinion, Hypocrisy.
I couldn’t agree more. I grew up being told not to judge other people over first seeing something that’s “not normal.” Which is why it’s always bothered me when someone says that “only babies wear diapers,” or “only the mentally retarded wear diapers,” yadda, yadda, yadda. Where did we get such thinking from? Why do people judge people based on such things? That doesn’t make sense. I have no medical reason for wearing diapers. I’m not physically disabled that I couldn’t make it to the restroom when I need to pee. I only wear diapers when I can’t be near a restroom. It may not be “normal,” but so what? That doesn’t make it wrong.
Great post Adrian and I feel I have lived my life being judged due to my need and desire to wear diapers. As a child, I was constantly aware of the judgmental stares and comments I would hear directed at me because I was still wearing and using diapers as an older child. I got very self conscious and embarrassed about being in diapers when out in public or when people came over to my house for the first time and saw me in my diapers or saw my diapers in my room. I remember feeling so alone and different because all the other kids my age were potty trained and wearing underpants while I was still kept in diapers fulltime. My mom tried to potty train me on a few occasions but I had too many accidents and ended up back in diapers to self conscious about it. I did not feel normal and remember feeling mixed emotions finally graduating to training pants to attend regular school. I missed my diapers but not the judgement that came with being in them. I was returned to diapers when my control got bad on a handful of occasions as I got older and remember feeling judged being in bulky diapers.
Now as an adult, I am finally content being who I am and have accepted my attachment and need for diapers. I feel different than most adults for being an ABDL, but my joy of diapers is kept private and I do not flaunt nor expose my diapers to others outside the ABDL community. I think becoming attached to diapers was my way of accepting having to wear them as an older child and I find my diapers very soothing and comforting today after dealing with the stressful and vanilla world. I love being diapered after a long day of work but shudder to think of being discovered in my diapers by those in society that don’t understand, hence I keep it to just my wife and those in the ABDL community.
Hey Mike S. I can relate to that. My bladder control has always been iffy at best, uncontrollable at worst. While I liked the protection diapers gave me, I hated the attitude people have towards children and adults wearing diapers. While I’ve managed to control when and where I poop, peeing is perhaps something I’ll never be able to control. I don’t mind wearing diapers now as much as I did when I was a boy and as a young man (teenager). I’ve never understood why we Americans seem to take the attitude of “only babies wear diapers”, or “only those who are physically handicapped need to wear diapers”, particularly when there are diapers sold in stores (generally called “briefs” or “protective underwear”, etc.) for teen sized and adult sizes.
Even when you do have a legitimate reason for wearing diapers (in my case, overactive bladder caused by cerebral palsy) I’ve found, friends and family and even medical professionals would rather you use *anything* else.
Whenever I say to someone, “Yes, I wear diapers due to incontinence”, I immediately get unsolicited advice on surgery, medications, Kegel exercises and other similar methods of treating incontinence, Any excuse I give for wearing diapers is dismissed out of hand, until I’m driven to say in exasperation, “Hey, I LIKE to wear them, OK??” In other words, I have to “out” myself to get people to shut up.
I’ve gotten the same response from everyone, from parents to close friends. How crazy is that? What do the doctors or anyone else know about what works best for you? I’ve worn diapers on and off my whole life, and i’d rather wear diapers than have some doctor stick a long plastic tube up my dick. I find it easier to deal with a wet diaper than wet pants. They don’t *have* to like it, but they *do* have to respect your wishes and needs.
I remember my Mom getting the same unsolicited advice from other moms and friends about how to get me out of diapers as a growing boy. It used to make me feel bad and a failure for still being in diapers. Everyone had all the answers on how to potty train me, but no one understood my own body and control challenges that kept me in diapers for so long. It wasn’t until I was finally diagnosed with IBS as an older child that I was semi vindicated for my lack of control. By then the damage was already done to my psychi and I felt ashamed every time someone would comment about my diapers. I probably only got the half of it because of my age and level of awareness. Society should treat diapers like any other article of clothing and be more accepting and inclusive.
I totally agree. I’ve never understood where such attitudes stem from. It may not be “normal” to wear diapers after 3 yrs old, but so what? No one can hold on indefinitely, and they need to have a way to relieve one’s self when you can’t be near a toilet.
Your situation seems just like another form of closedmindedness. I mean people don’t want to accept that you’d rather go the diaper route than exercises, or medication, or surgery etc. I have a friend who preferred diapers to all that other crap too. Personally i would also because well….medication can do weird things to you, make you feel off. Surgery can mess you up worse, and exercises don’t always work.
I’m sorry to hear you basically i have to out yourself to get people to understand but I noticed often when people won’t let something lie you NEED to get in their face and put it right there in their lap so they can’t get around it.
I’ve never understood why people feel they have to make the incontinent continent. Nor do I understand why they have to insist on surgery for those who have incontinence issues. If there’s a problem with the bladder, ie: bladder cancer, enlarged prostate, etc., then surgery might be the best solution. But if there’s nothing wrong, then they should just leave the damn thing alone.
That’s only the tip of the iceberg. I didn’t mention the counselor who wanted to put me in a sex addiction program–I kid you not.
The only reason I was seeing the counselor is because of a nervous breakdown. Which came about largely because of guilt regarding my ageplay fantasies and my love of diapers. I assumed–wrongly–that I must be someone who wanted to…do things to kids. The counselor only made me feel worse, even screaming, “Babies wear diapers, adults don’t!” at one point.
@ Rachel: Sex addiction program? That’s bullshit! Who in their right mind would do that? You’re not a sex addict. You’re just someone who wears diapers. Either by choice or by need, I don’t know. And if diapers were just for babies, why do you see diapers in stores in adult sizes? That doesn’t make any sense.
I know what you all mean way to well. If you use a wheelchair and they see your diaper it is normal, if your on a walker and they see your diaper that is normal, but if you are walking with out an aid of some sort that can be seen then you are judged as retarded or stupid for being in a diaper. Now not to say you can’t have fun with people if they think you are stupid because some times you can have fun with them and make them feel stupid for I have done this before since I have to wear mine 24/7 for medical. Hope my comments do not offend any one out there and you all have a Great Day!!!
I know what you mean. I’ve never understood why such attitudes are what they are. Not everyone who has to wear diapers is physically disabled, nor are they mentally retarded.
The way I’ve come to see it, it doesn’t matter how healthy one is, physically, mentally, emotionally, or psychologically, no one can hold on indefinitely, and eventually, you’ll need to pee, or even poop. Unfortunately, it’s not always possible to make it to the toilet in a timely manner. Either you’re busy doing something and even if the toilet is just a few metres from where you are, and you can’t just stop to pee, What do you do? Pee in your pants and hope no one notices? I don’t think it’d be easy to hide a dark wet spot. Or how about if you’re in a movie theatre watching a movie? You need to pee, but you don’t want to miss even part of the movie, no matter how desperate the pee. What do you do? If you were wearing a diaper, you wouldn’t have to worry about missing the movie. Just pee in your diaper and then change into a clean diaper when the movie is over.
I don’t know. One of the things I have noticed is that a lot of people that say they are “open minded” are some of the most closed minded people I have ever met. I have met some of the most intolerant people on both the left and the ride side of the aisle, but I have also met some of the most understanding people on both sides of the aisle. Different locations in the country seem to lean a little one way or the other, but the vast majority I have noticed don’t care. If it isn’t directly in their life or have anything to do with them, they just ignore it.
Therefore the intolerance I thinks is more of a case by case stigma than a general state of our America. It’s not that I would be volunteering my diapered state to people, but I will not be running if it gets found out. We don’t advertise any of our other diseases like diabetes, but when people inquire they are generally sympathetic.
For the people who know about my issues, all of them have been supportive. Granted they are adults. As for them wanting to cure it, I can get that. They are putting themselves in our shoes (or think they are). They cannot stand the thought of themselves in diapers and so they think anything would be better as an alternative. They don’t even really know what those alternatives are or entail. They also speak as though surgery and drugs are magic. They don’t know the success rate is not the 80% that people tout so much. They don’t know the side affects are worse than the incontinence, or the risks with catheters. They just could not ever want them for themselves so they think you wouldn’t either.
As for the doctors/urologists, I wish we had more DL/ABDL ones who could fill us in. The vast majority of incontinence support forums on the web show the most used coping strategy is pads and diapers because of their reliability when compared to McGuire Urinals, Condom Catheters, Foley Cathers. Other than skin care, which is not that hard, there is little danger from diapers other than the conspicuous bulge if wearing thicker diapers. They have so many tricks to try to “cure” IC people, but all of the drugs suck, the surgeries are spotty, the valves do not look safe to me, the stents have their own complication.
I feel urologists would do better to offer these “options” but insist it is our choice and then give coping strategies and referrals to psychologists to deal the long term emotional effect of it. This speaking only to OAB or IC or IBS. Bladder Cancer, obstructions, etc. for sure require aggressive treatment. But given how most of their patients wear them, why are they so against them? Unless of course they are in the drug industries pocket…..
I agree. Where this stigma comes from, I’ll never know. I don’t have a medical problem with my bladder that would require me to wear diapers. Nor do I have any bowel problems to speak of. If I eat something that my gullet doesn’t like, or if I eat too fast for my stomach to digest, I may have an accident if I’m not near a toilet. But other than that, I haven’t had that many bowel accidents to speak of. When it comes to bladder issues, I’ve never had any problems. Certainly nothing that would require surgery. I still feel that diapers would be a good thing to wear and to use. I’d prefer that over holding my urine in until I make it to the toilet. Wearing diapers may not be for everyone, but so what? If you need to wear diapers, you should be allowed to wear diapers without protest. If you like wearing diapers, you should be allowed to without protest.
Jason: The counselor I mentioned was a devout Christian, and I’m sure that more than anything prejudiced her against me from the start. She was prudish in the extreme, and to say she was not open to alternative forms of sexuality is an understatement.
I’m transgender as well as ABDL, and told her so, but I think my being an ABDL spooked her more, as she had no ready-made category in which to place it. She kept harping on the idea that I had to get into a “normal, heterosexual relationship (she placed special emphasis on “heterosexual”). There was, however, the pesky little matter of my liking men. Now that I’ve transitioned, however, I suppose I could be called hetero. Just trying to do what she told me….=)
As long as you love and can accept yourself then it really doesn’t matter what others think. A normal partner for you may be a man into diapers…and there are plenty of them out there so you don’t need to worry about that :).
Religion is a complication to life imho. Just recently a United Nations committee found the Vatican enabled sexual predators to continue their abuses. So much for me being Roman Catholic…
My point is, you can respect your religion and be spiritual and respectful. I strive to treat people well, do unto others as I would have be done to myself and always try to be the better person (well, sometimes that fails and I give them the finger…LOL). For the most part people treat me very well in return. However you are, you are loved by someone.
I too get the unsolicited advice about pills surgery, etc… I explain the medications come with side effects, I’ve already had five surgeries in three years including 2 lower back and 1 neck surgery so no thanks to another and if they persist, then I offer to insert a catheter into them (or they can try it themselves) so they can experience it and let me know if they’d prefer that or diapers. So far I haven’t had any takers. Incontinence can suck but it’s manageable.
My advice is to forget the counselors, and if you can, limit who you tell. I try not to tell friends (even though a few do know) and only some of my family know. It’s a medical condition just like my back and neck so I try not to announce it. I also have the advantage of being a very muscular person so people tend not to badger me :).
I agree. I’ve been to counselors left and right over the years to find out why I am gay, and I’ve been told that I should either go to church and that I’ll be cured of my sick attraction to men. I’ve never understood the attitude about homosexuality. I’ve heard it said that gay men molest children and made girls lesbians, which I always thought was a load of shit. I’ve never known anyone who was trans-gendered, or even trans-sexual, but I’ve known plenty of gays and lesbians, and they’re nothing like the stereotypes. Most are helpful, very nice people who are wonderful with children. Most are in relationships, some are single. I hope that same-sex marriage will be allowed and is recognised, by law, as legitimate. It may not change people’s minds about homosexuality, but it would at least allow same-sex couples to be legally recognised as a married couple.
I feel like when we use the term “devout Christian” we are following into the same close-mindedness that we are complaining of and lumping people together.
For example, I am a devout Christian, a pastor of a church in fact. One thing I have learned is that not all psychologists/psychiatrists are equal. One cannot just go to one and think, ok I will be cured or helped. Especially in my line of work I am very leery of sending my parishioners to an unknown psychologist. As an example, let’s say I am sending a couple to work on their marriage and the therapist then suggests adding swinging to the marriage to spice it up. Given that I find that to be adulterous and counterproductive to a healthy marriage I would be upset.
It takes a little research, but we have to be proactive in seeking our mental health. We can look into reviews and the like to see if the individual is closer to our way of thinking or a fundamentalist of some sort. Psychology is not a place for proselytizing or putting your world view on people. You are to be an ear and sounding board.
Yes, those psychologists were wrong to want to “cure” you in that way, but when you see they have crossed a line, that means they are just bad therapists. Being Christian does not enter into it. Would we be as comfortable saying my counselor was Muslim and that’s why he wanted to cure my gayness? I highly doubt it. One’s faith and personal predilections should not ever be obvious unless asked for in those settings.
Given that transgendered is, while not common, not foreign and is well known in society that a psychologist has to approve the condition for the corrective operations and therapy, one would think that a) that therapist was out of line, but b) there should be resources that could have helped point you towards a transgendered friendly therapist.
As for the ABDL, they are coping mechanisms for stress and unless it is negatively impacting your ability to deal with problems and the world, most therapists will just say keep at it as a healthy destressor when weighed against the more common destressors of alcohol and drugs.
TLDR- Research your counselor and make sure he/she is the type of counselor you need/want.
Speaking of being closed minded……this is my dilemma. I usually post on adisc but thought I would see others input from here.
Ok, my family and I are getting ready to go on a big trip to Cancun. Oh and with family too! I wear 24/7 so, I’ll be wearing there and back. The only time I won’t be is if I’m in the pool or on the beach.
This is how I leave my diapers, plus I have several bags of over stock in my room. We’re going to ask our nephew and his girl friend to watch our house so they’ll have a key and can come and go. We have a dog too. This issue came up where my wife said pack up all your diapers and hide them. I’m tired of her making me feel weird! I don’t want to and I don’t see what the big issue is. So, my question is should I or am I being disrespectful of not doing that? If they snoop they’re going to find them anyhow. Hard to hide 6 cases of Bambinos? I feel she has the issue not me. The other family members never say anything. I really feel this is my wife’s issues and she should not boss me around or be controlling. Thank you for anyone who reads and responds!
Sure just pack them up and send them to me I will help you out with that… lol
Really if every one knows you wear diapers then who cares just toss the boxes in the closet mark on them stay toys for donation and will maybe they will be there when you get back. Good Luck
I tried to see if I can post a picture of where I keep them but I can’t on here. I keep them on a small shelf next to my bed.. I copied and pasted the last post from adisc. But you can see the pic on there.my profile there is bambinopants.
Honestly if I were you I would hide them away. We have children and they could start snooping, so I have a locking closet with all my medical stuff (incontinence, back and neck related). I managed to fit over two months’ supply in there and it’s not much work to get them out for bedtime and changes in the day (I luckily work from home). It’s one thing to accept, another to have them out as a constant reminder and a potential source of embarrassment.
Imagine her leaving her maxi pads, tampons, menstrual cup, Monistat, UTI test kits, creams and feminine medications in the bottom of her nightstand? Not so sexy. You are organized, yes. And that is respectful. However, I counted almost a month of night diapers stored in that nightstand.
I am incontinent and I store my overstock in the basement still in the (unmarked) boxes. I don’t hide the boxes but I don’t leave anything out just in case I give someone a tour of the place. I keep them very neat and inconspicuous (about 5 cases of Bambinos and misc other diapers/pads). In the bedroom, the only thing in plain view is a stash of polyurethane laminated pants neatly folded on my side of the bed, which is way out of sight. However, the California Closet I have is great and I pretty much have the whole thing. I also fitted a lock onto it that is difficult to open (not too hard…but it stays locked).
Maybe strike a compromise? Offer to hide them and make them less obvious in return for less chastising and maybe ‘favors’ (LOL on the last part:))? Hell, put sexy things where your diapers are now (I saw the pic on adisc). You are lucky to have a wife that accepts, as does mine. However, I always empty the trash before she uses the bathroom in the morning, my powders/creams are neatly stored in a small closet above the toilet and I have MUCH more embarrassing stuff than diapers hanging around our room. I’ve even told the kids don’t go snooping because there are some things I simply am not willing to explain and it may scar their minds :). She says often that there has never been a smell or a mess or even a diaper left visible in the trash and that keeps her happy. If I leak then I wash the sheets (i have a washable pad under my side to protect the mattress as well).
All in all, it’s the little things that count. I have a friend that found out while he was helping to finish the basement and it has altered the friendship somewhat. He even knows it’s medically related, but some people’s perceptions are not easily swayed, and it’s better to leave the evidence imperceptible if possible :).
I agree. I usually hide my diapers in a duffle bag where no one thinks to look. Sometimes I hide them in the trunk of my car. Most people may understand and accept the idea of me wearing diapers. But I know some people who would not, no matter what I tell them my reason may be.
Well I greatly appreciate everyone’s response and taking the time to read. I find it odd that we come here for support and read posts, accepting your inner diaper lover side, living in a close minded society open your mind. Pictures are posted of Adrian and Peter in their diapers which will be out there forever and what if they have kids? All I’m asking is to not made to feel shame or weird by having to hide my diapers by my bed which are my underwear. Plus they’re in my room which is private. When someone says hide them isn’t that basically saying you should be embarrassed, or feel weird which will cause shame. I’m sure Adrian doesn’t hide her diapers hence photos and the Internet. Kind of a double standard don’t you all think. Well, I’m leaving them their. BTW..this is not a fetish for me. I have OAB and will see a urologist on Wednesday. I’m not an AB either nor do I judge or look down on anyone who is. Be who you are! Thanks for the support!
Oops.. I should of proof read. Spelling errors. Sorry. Their…should of been there.
Adrian, I love and agree with all these posts, a diaper just isn’t for the elderly and babies anymore, they, basically are now becoming (should I say), toilets now. Since starting to wear diapers 3 weeks ago, i’m starting to b less close-minded and more open-minded bout diapers and adults wearing them, whether for medical conditions, enjoyment, ext….
This is one of my favourite diaper sites. I totally agree with you about diapers not being just for babies or the elderly. But it never was just for babies to begin with. When I was a boy of around 7 yrs old, I remember shopping with my mom. We’d walk up and down the aisles, looking for stuff to make for dinner. I’d walk down one aisle that had incontinence products. They used cardboard boxes, rather than plastic bags like they do now. The boxes would be in various colours, depending on the manufacturer and the product. I remember looking at the front, it said “adult brief”, and on the back, it showed what looked like an adult diaper. That confused the hell out of me. I knew what a diaper looked like from the tape fasteners that were used. I remember walking away wondering “why would they call a diaper a brief? That doesn’t make any sense.”
I discovered my love for diapers in high school, but was ashamed of it and quickly put it out of my mind the best I could. When I got to college three years later, I found diaper pale friends website and then the wetset.net forums where I finally found acceptance. I was still sneaking diapers and using them without anyone knowing. A few years later, I had a diaper video on my computer showing me messing/wetting diapers. My girlfriend found it, flipped out, and it went public. My entire fraternity found out, her sorority, my parents, her parents, friends and other people.
Random people would come up to me and call me names, or ask if I needed help, or if I was “okay”. Social destruction. I felt outcast, ruined, and extremely guilty, ashamed, and dirty. My parents forced me to go to therapy for it. And guess what? After eight months of therapy, my therapist said “it’s okay, it’s part of you, it’ll likely be with you for your whole life in some capacity, and as long as it doesn’t become an obsession, I don’t see the harm in continuing to wear them.”
THAT felt awesome to hear. But the damage was done. I felt dirty, guilty, ashamed and different — unworthy of love or acceptance. I had a love/hate with diapers for years afterward. I would buy, then purge, buy, purge, and the cycled would continue. I shunned relationships and avoided close connections because I thought my love for diapers wouldn’t be understood and I would simply be judged again.
In the fall of 2014 I met a girl who I’m still dating and I finally just said “fk it” and told her everything about my diapers (over time, not all at once) and my other kinks/fetishes (diapers is a kink for me, it’s a sexual thing first, comfort second). After lots of talking to her about it an explaining she is totally accepting of it. I don’t hide my diapers anymore, they are out in plain sight in my closet, and she knows that I wear and use them. She wants to take part somehow as well to support me. I feel so lucky and so relieved to finally not have to hide it anymore.
I recently started going to a sex therapist/psychologist to get a better understanding of my love for diapers and how it can be integrated lovingly into our relationship. Progress! So finally after nearly 15 yrs of isolation Im working through the guilt and shame and beginning to see that it’s a part of me and to accept it, love it, and see diapers in a positive way 🙂 oof!
I know the feeling, believe me. I like diapers, and I have from the time I was a boy.