Most people when they hear the word incontinence they feel sorry for you. They feel bad and their mind starts to wonder…How…Why…What do you do?
There are different forms of incontinence – some congenital and some acquired. Mine was congenital and I have been with it since birth. Congenital anomalies happen more than people think. Some are debilitating while others may go unnoticed.
My incontinence is 2 part:
- Improper Formation of Sphincters
- Improper Neurologic Formation in lower spine
That is the simplest way I can explain it without getting too scientific.
Incontinence can be a tragic diagnosis to many people. But, there are positives. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Here are my 5 best things that I have come to recognize about life when living with incontinence.
Life Could Be Worse
If the worst thing that happens to me in my life is being diagnosed with incontinence and having to wear diapers than I am a lucky girl.
I could be seriously debilitated, missing limbs, paralyzed, or much much worse. Things could always be worse.
I appreciate what God has given me and fully accept the cards I have been dealt. In my mind – it was a gift!
Become a More Accepting Person
When you are diagnosed or learn something about yourself that may be a bit out of the ordinary, you learn you do not have total control. You accept it about yourself even though you know it may be different than the majority of the population.
You become more accepting of other people’s quirks or differences because you know you have one yourself. I appreciate this because it has allowed me to connect with a lot of different people on different levels.
Learn to Embrace Uniqueness
Some people would look at incontinence as a curse. I look at incontinence as a blessing. A unique aspect of ME.
Wearing diapers has opened up my life as well. It makes me again…unique. I love that. I love other people’s uniqueness and proudly tell them to embrace it. God made you that way.
Meet Amazing People
I have met some amazing people between the incontinence and ABDL (adult baby / diaper lover) community. They are some of the friendliest, smart, and kind people you will ever meet.
If I were never incontinent and never had to wear diapers – I would not be in this lifestyle at all and would have never met such an amazing group of people.
The Positives of Wearing Diapers
Some of you will read this and shake your head…especially if you are newly incontinent. Wearing diapers can be a positive if you allow it. Many people are quite surprised by the comfort and relaxation aspect of a diaper.
If you can allow yourself to get past the stereotype – it will simplify your life. It is much better than dealing with catheters or surgery where the risk of problems and infection is significantly greater.
There are many benefits to wearing diapers – you just have to be open to embrace them and accept them – not stereotype and look down on.
Love your life. Love what God gave you. Embrace it. Accept it. And, make your life amazing.
Incontinence can be a life changing diagnosis. But, in the end if you allow yourself to accept it and embrace the diagnosis. You will find yourself in a whole new world that is filled with comfort, security, joy, fun, and a whole lot more.
So, don’t look at incontinence like a death sentence. It is far from it. Living with incontinence can be fun if you allow yourself. Love yourself and move on!
I’ve never understood why Incontinence is a bad thing. For me, it’s simply a minor inconvenience, but hardly the end of the world. i totally agree with the advice you give. I’d love to meet other people who are incontinent. I’m from Gig Harbor Washington.
It took me years to accept my control issues and get past some of the feelings I had buried inside me based on having to wear diapers late into childhood due to IBS and bedwetting. I would agree with many of your points, but mainly on being accepting of other people and embracing the joys of diapers. I struggled for many years and felt different and ashamed of myself. It was only after discovering the ABDL community and others with similar childhood and adult control issues requiring diapers that I felt surrounded by like minded friends. Today I consider myself blessed to have the opportunity to enjoy diapers and all they bring. I have wonderful ABDL friends and look forward to making new ones as the years go on.
Mike i was wondering how you were able to adapt to live with IBS Incontinence… the reason i ask is because i suffer with a similar problem, which causes me to have accientdents when i least expected it.. i currently have a problem with not being able to accept what is going on havent been able to for a very long time now ( the shadows have been a good way to hide it )
How have you been able to adjust to having to wear diapers and has it affected your life style in anyway Because i am worried that it will affect my life style as none of my friends know what i suffer with ( My boyfriend knows and understands all and is trying to help, he is the one who found this website for me )
Samantha, I hope I can help you with with my experiences with IBS by giving you some of my observations and advice living with this condition. First, you have to accept the fact that accidents are going to happen and the frequency and severity might or might not be under your control. Getting to know your body and what exacerbates your IBS condition is key. For me, I know certain foods reek havoc on my lower GI like really rich foods and some spicy foods, so I try to avoid them. Nerves also contribute to my condition and sometimes I don’t know what triggers flare ups but I am getting better at recognizing when they come on and prepare accordingly. I wear diapers during flare ups or times when I think my bowel control is compromised by IBS and try to live a normal life in spite of my diapers. Only a few people know of my condition and need for diapers because I have kept it private and try to conceal my diapers in public. I try to stay home from work when in diapers (which is infrequent enough not to miss too much work or I telecommute). When I need to wear diapers, I always wear plastic pants over my diapers to minimize both the tell tale crinkle sound of my disposables and the smell of a poopy diaper. I wear baggy pants and leave my shirt out to conceal my padded behind. I guess this is how I have adapted to the fact that I need to wear diapers when my IBS is bad. Fortunately, it does not happen all the time (about once or twice a month) so I don’t wear diapers 24/7. Also, my wife is very supportive of my condition and I also wear diapers at night for bedwetting so it is fairly common for me to be in diapers at home. It took me years to be comfortable being in diapers and to accept my situation and IBS condition. I have embraced diapers today and I think this has helped me adapt to my situation. I have found diapers to be a great source of comfort and security and when my IBS flares up, I happily get into my diapers to avoid messy accidents in my underwear. Accidents still happen very infrequently since I don’t wear 24/7, but I would be wasting diapers if I wore all the time so it is a balance. That is something you will need to figure out – I.e. the amount of time you want to spend in diapers. I wear for fun too since I have grown to love my diapers, but I keep it private. I hope this helps you in some way and I would be happy to expand or elaborate on my response if you have any further questions or concerns. I wish you all the best given your IBS condition and will say that wearing diapers is better than having to deal with messy pants any day of the week. You can email me at email@example.com if you want to followup in private too. Mike
I’m not totally incontinent, but before I tried diapers, my life was difficult. I’ve never met anyone else who wear diapers (that I know of) and would love it to find others. I’m from Silverdale Washington.
I’ll be friends with you and help you cope ad help me cope with having to wear 24/7 because of my medical condition.
I love this post. In the past few years I have been using diapers to help manage my irritable bowel. Being out in public or at work I usually wear because I have not been able to make it in time. Wearing diapers gives me confidence and allows me to try and live my life to its fullest. Reading your posts and the comments of others has allowed me to accept even enjoy my situation. Thank you and keep it up.
For me, my bladder control has always been iffy at best. If I knew where a restroom was and was close enough that I’d be able to make it in a timely manner, I’m in good shape. But more often than not, even if I knew where toilet was, I’m not always close enough. And so, I always wear diapers, and I’d end up using them.
This post was really cool…first, I have only been incontinent 3 years and it has been tough adapting since it has gotten worse over time. I also have a spine disorder that gives me this blessing. It is hereditary and degenerative…yay!
My alternative was paralysis if I didn’t quit smoking and get neck and lower back surgery. Quitting smoking after 26 years is tough. I did it though. I drink a bit too much now but I also kicked 5 painkiller addictions due to surgeries. I leak during the day and when I work out, I have to have protection due to bowel/bladder issues. At night, it is just urinary, but heavy. My whole family, including my stepchildren, had to adjust. It has been tough.
However, I can still lift weights, use the elliptical, keep in shape, make love with my wife and do things I couldn’t if paralyzed.
So, my wife got me to try Bambinos for fun and now I wear them every night, They are a superior product. I have adjusted my routine to include diapering and cleaning up in the morning. I also make sure my wife never sees (overtly) my used diapers in the bathroom trash and I think she embraces me for accepting the fact my continence will never come back, I tried catheters (they are painful and inconvenient) and clamps and diapers just work…f*** it. I’ll take hello kitty prints over paralysis.
Overall, my life is pretty good. So what I have to wear pull-ups or diapers 🙂
Hey how are u ? My name is Kevin & I’m not sure how to get my wife to understand !! I enjoy wearin diapers for the comfort & a coping mechanism! I had a little rough child hood cause all my mother new how to do was holler at me all the time !! When I was younger if I could get one it made me happy ! Today I’m a bum on disabuility csuse of seizures! & I tend to want to wear them more often cause I’m not working & it keeps me happy ! How did u get your wife to understand ? Would she maybe talk to my wife ? If u don’t mind give me a call 540-661-9114 so we can talk cause if your wife understands that’s nice & I’m wondering If she would talk to me & my wife so I could tell her exactly what my wife don’t understand ! Thanks & take care !!! Kevin
Hi Kevin, I’ve been with my wife for 22 years if you would like to chat so I can understand what her concerns are I might be able to get my wife to chat with her. I know there is another guy on here by the name of Mike. He is very nice! He’s educated, smart and would be a good resource. I like chatting with him. Let me know if you would like me to call you. Another note, don’t say negative things about yourself like your a bum. Your not and life is tough and you never know what life will throw your way. Have a good day!
Ya buddy can u give me a call at 540-661-9114 thanks
I think you hit several good points, but specifically learning to love and accept yourself! This will help you live in happiness and peace! It took years to go through the emotions and learn healthy ways to cope and live a healthy active and productive life!
I totally agree. Even if other people don’t like the fact that you’re wearing diapers, if you like yourself and accept yourself, you’re in good shape.
Hey buddy it’s Kevin I talked to u yesterday. Can u give me a call when u have more time so I can tell u more about me ! I had to cut u a little short cause my wife was with me! I’d like to know how your wife feels about it & if she would talk to me just so I could talk to another female to hear her opinion on my case . I would just call but your number didn’t show if I can get it so we can keep in touch . Thankst
Hey buddy I’m sorry I missed your call thanks for reaching back I’ll be her all day tomorrow whenever will be fine but sooner the better while my wife’s at work. I really appreciate your time & thanks . I hope that maybe my wife can talk to your wife. & maybe she’ll better understand coming from another woman than us ! Sooner u can call the better , it don’t matter when ever you feel up to it . Thanks!
Hey buddy I’m up & arround now ! I didn’t get a message yesterday from u . U can call anytime I’m not doing nothing & I’ll be here all day. If u can try to make it before 4 my time . not sure of your time zone . & u must have had your number blocked when u called. Thanks
Adrian, sorry we are using your site to communicate back and forth. Kevin, it is 8:30a my time and I will call in about two hrs which will be around 1-1:30p your time. Chat soon!
This question is not so much for you, but for other incontinent folks. Given urologists treat diapers like the plague and would have you do almost anything other than wear them, how did many of you come to terms with diapers versus the many alternatives. drugs and surgeries.
For me, though I am not traditionally incontinent, I have tried all of the other methods
1. Pads – leak always
2. Catheters – UTI’s and extremely painful to me
3. Condom Catheters – I have extremely sensitive skin and the adhesives gave me a rash
4. Penal clamps – painful
5. Mcguire Urinal – when it fails, it fails epically
In my reading of various sites the drugs only make the symptoms less, not cured. Plus, almost all of them have the side effects of dry eyes, dizziness, headaches, constipation, etc. I could not deal with those side affects, especially in the end if I was going to pay for them, the urologists visits AND still need pads/diapers
A). While some surgeries might be 100% successful, the vast majority I have read about only give a 50% chance of working, and then could require more surgeries (That’s a lot of $$$ even with insurance)
B). Given the things we see on TV about cancer and deeply problematic unintended side affects of the surgery (See sling issues), it is not surprising I and many others would feel squeamish about attempting any non life threatening surgeries.
They say this is 80% affective at completely curing Urge Incontinence. But for being so affective, why do so many report it not helping?
I think this is another load of crap that supposedly helps. Life doesn’t often allow for one to say, I am going to go to the bathroom now. Life comes at you and 9/10 you are not next a bathroom when you need to be (Traffic/presentations/classes/work seminars etc.). So how is one to plan to go to the bathroom or try to hold that extra 5 minutes when everyone is busy? I think it is unrealistic.
-Conclusion/Advantage – Diapers-
Reliable, dependable, not obvious unless you make it obvious.
So as I said, Adrian, came to terms very young because it was congenital, but for those who were not, and those who did not start out as DL’s how did you come to the conclusion diapers were best? How did you embrace your new life?
Given the support of my wife and family, I am extremely happy and healthy otherwise. Thank you in advance for the insights of Adrian’s loyal readers.
I’ve never used a catheter of any kind, and even the thought of having anything stuck into my dick makes me cringe. I’ve never tried drugs that are supposed to “cure incontinence”, And with the side effects that the advertisements mention, dizziness? Constipation?! Dry eyes?! Thanks, but no thanks. I agree with you regarding “timed voids” bs. It’s unrealistic, at best. The only reason I’d have for having surgery performed on my bladder is if I have bladder cancer, enlarged prostate, or worse, prostate cancer. Otherwise, i’d sooner wear diapers.
Spargano, All I can do is give you my perspective. I had many health issues being born. From premature 3lb baby in an incubator, to surgery for undescended testicle, and a few others. I slept walk and would stand and pee on my bed, in corners, trash cans and my bed. I’m ADHD and have anxiety and PTSD. I’ve always wanted to stay in diapers from the time I was little. I’ve always remembered having strong urge and over active bladder. I grew up thinking something was wrong with me because I wanted to stay in diapers and that’s where I was safe. As I hit my hormones, due to the warmth and softness I thought there was something even more wrong because that’s how I dealt with my adolescents. Not realizing it was normal to enjoy that warm squishy feeling against your privates. Diapers so taboo….. I was so confused between the two. Now that I’m older diapers don’t sexually do anything for me except comfort and security for my OAB. I finally decided to see a urologist. They put me on Toviaz for OAB, and did an ultrasound on my bladder. He asked if I had anxiety. I said yes and I take 10mg of Valium. If anyone knows anything about this drugs doctors don’t like to prescribe due to the addiction of it and if they do, it’s usually only 5mg. So, that tells you how high my anxiety is. He explained in detail how anxiety plays a huge factor in OAB. I went home and googled it and it said everything my doctor was saying. I know and have been told…..that’s what doctors do. Prescribe meds. The meds have barely worked. Igo back on 4/2. I guess what I’m saying…that’s what they’re trained to do. MD. Medical doctors. That’s how they make money. Doesn’t mean it will work. In my case barely any difference, plus all the side effects. That’s how I grew into a diaper lover because of what I went through. It is my personal choice of how to handle it. I did wear to the urologist and he said nothing. That’s the drug side of it from me. As far as the others you mentioned. Alternative devices, kegel exercises, surgery, and time voids I can’t give you my experience. However, I know diapers are my thing and choice of methods to cure, despite my wife’s own taboo feelings. Sometimes I would like to be single due to all the taboo and un acceptance. Makes life hard. But I’m truly happy with me and my life I just others would be more accepting. I’m not sure if this helps but thought I would share.
I really had no choice about whether diapers were best when I was younger, my mom made that decision for me and I accepted it over time. Having IBS, I was always struggling with control and diapers were used on me to minimize the clean up after I had accidents, which was frequent. Diapers were used on me for bedwetting under the same rationale. My parents tried other methods to stop me for having daytime accidents and wetting the bed, but my mom would ultimately return to diapers. I learned to accept them over time and grew attached to them, became a DL, probably as a means of complete acceptance. Fast forward to my early adult years, I started wetting the bed in college and still had attachment feelings about diapers (at the time I did not know about ABDL and the community of others like me). Returning to diapers seemed like the natural solution, so I did exercise choice and started to wear them to bed. It was like coming home and I was hooked on diapers from that point forward. I discovered the ABDL community years later with the advent of the Internet and began to understand that I was a member of it for the feelings I had about diapers. 20 some odd years later, I have no regrets and am a happy ABDL.
Mike…same as me I didn’t know there was such a thing as ABDL until 3 years ago and found bambino diapers about 2 years ago. I was like wow!!
I can’t remember what got me interested in diapers. I wore diapers until I was 4 yrs old, and I would wear training pants until I was 6 yrs old.
I found bambino diapers about 4 years ago and agree with – wow. They are my favorite diaper and I wear them exclusively at this point – switching between the Teddys and Bellissimos. They remind me so much of the pampers I wore back in the 1970s, with the plastic backing that was very crinkly. I remember that sound and love to hear it today.
Hi Mike, ya I think your right. They do kinda remind me of pampers. I as well wear the Teddy’s and Bellissimo mostly. I like the teddy print and don’t care much for the Bellissimo print. I do wear the Bianco when I’m headed to the gym because I know my shirt will lift up and I don’t want folks to see the prints.
I like both designs because they are babyish and so absorbent and thick. The Bellissimos are my preferred night diaper and I usually wake up in a swollen diaper that is so thick it makes me waddle. I wear the Teddys during the daytime when diapered. My wife usually chooses which on I get to wear and follows that routine. I rarely wear my diapers outside the home and Bambinos are rather thick and conspicuous. I remember wearing my Teddys under my shorts at a fast food restaurant a while back and feeling like everyone could here my crinkle while I was standing in line. It made me blush. I am sure your Biancos are hard to conceal at the gym?
Hi Mike, I’m sure people notice my diaper periodically but they don’t say anything. You can’t completely hide it with all the exercise and bending and stretching and stuff. I truly need them with my OAB, I’m on Toviaz and that’s not helping much. Over the years you learn to have confidence and learn to not care what others think. I just go about my biz. I’m sure since I wear 24/7 folks hear the crinkle from time to time,but I bet 90+% don’t even notice:)
Hi Bambino, thanks for the reply and confirmation about whether your diapers are noticeable when you work out. It sounds like you have a lot of confidence and I like your attitude about whether people notice or not. I guess I am still sensitive to the feelings I had being in diapers during childhood and the times other people noticed my diapers when I was in public settings. Society likes to judge and I felt under a microscope being an older kid still in diapers 24/7.
Hi Mike, no problem. You can ask me anything and I’ll share. Sounds like we’re around the same age too. I like meeting new people too. If you ever feel like chatting or what not your welcome to email or Skype me. Let me know and I’ll send ya my info if want. If not no biggie. I think after you go through so many things in life you learn to a degree not to worry what others think as much. I wish I would of learned that much younger like Adrian. I think life would of been so much better.:)
Hey Bambino, it would be great to connect and it does seem we have a lot in common. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org
Thank you Adrian! I have followed your well written, insightful, and frequent posts lately with delight! You have an excellent way of making sense of the subjects involving incontinence with your wonderful word crafting talents.
I too have lived with incontinence for most of my life, though I have made several “failed” attempts at correction, and have suffered significant pain and disappointment with each attempt. I spent part of my life in the shadows, hiding from my peers as a young girl due to my incontinence… Then a few “good” years with only minor problems, but soon after a “flood” of leakage issues and disappointments with meds that didn’t help, side effects, and two failed.surgeries.
Over the last 15 years, I can truly say that I have accepted my life and all that God has blessed me with. I no longer “hide” my need for diapers, though certainly don’t flaunt it. Thinking back, much of the high stress in my life has involved dealing with and rying to hide my health issues and diaper need. I have great health (otherwise), an amazing family, a great career, and am very content with my life now.
I chose long ago to accept my incontinence and to not pursue “wonder drugs”…. I have yet to “embrace” incontince as you have, but certainly am accepting of my minor issues, considering (as you said) things could be much worse!
Thank you for sharing your experience – God works in amazing ways and you are one of them – so be proud of who you are!
I totally agree. I’ve tried drugs, I’ve tried re-training my bladder to hold it, and forget about surgeries. Unless it’s to kill the cancer, then forget it. If there’s nothing wrong with the bladder, why mess with it?
Thank you to everyone that has shared their journeys. In today’s PC culture where any mention of God is likely to get you pilloried, it is refreshing to hear His praise for making unique and wonderful people. Really, compared to what one COULD be going through, incontinence is nothing.
Thank you, Adrian, for making this sort of discussion possible and in an easily accessible way 😀
I totally agree. Thank you for a wonderful website. :))
Yes, I can reconfirm Adrian, thank you 100 times over for taking time and effort it takes to keep this site going, and then on top of that, add a ton of worth while blogs and topics for us to read. It is really nice to find a site with mature intelligent group. I think I have found a new place to hang!
I totally agree. There aren’t that many sites out there where people can just talk about diapers, whether we wear for medical reasons or convenience, etc. Most places, you have to join, and some cost $ to join. Thanks, but no thanks. If all I have to do is put my first name and email address, I’m a happy man.
I wish I could have been born like you Adrian, I would give anything for a bit of acceptance of the fact that I like using diapers instead of the toilet.
I would happily accept malformed sphincters and neurological problems in my lower spine, if it meant I could live life in diapers and just be accepted for it.
I do not give a second thought to going out in public with diapers on under my cloths, I have been doing this for years, I get a sense of acceptance just being able to walk around while wearing a diaper under my cloths because no one says anything, they automatically assume I am incontinent. I wish this was the case within my family.
My family have never accepted me wearing diapers and go out of their way to try and discourage me from wearing them. This is the only depressing thing about liking diapers I have ever experienced.
Same here. My bladder control has always been iffy, and if I can’t be near a restroom to pee, I’m s.o.l. The problem is that society in general doesn’t like anyone older than 2 yrs. wearing diapers, or even training pants.
Get to wear diapers that are cute and adorable such as bambino diapers and several other cute ones
I’d wear diapers 24/7 if I had someone to help diaper me.