I have been living with incontinence my entire life so incontinence is not really a second thought to me.  But, this does not mean that incontinence is all peachy.  The reality of incontinence is that it can be quite a heavy burden and inconvenience if you do not have patience and persistence.  Incontinence can be sudden or a gradual onset and how you deal with either will define your experience with incontinence.  In the next few paragraphs I will attempt to describe not only the reality of dealing with incontinence but also things that can make the transition to dealing with incontinence easier and smoother.

Incontinence from birth is easier to deal with because its all you know and you do not anything different than dealing with incontinence.  You were/are most likely using some sort of protection for a long time so its not a big deal.  But, if you did not grow up with incontinence then coming to terms with the reality of it can be difficult.  As much as many people in the ABDL community would like to be incontinent so they can use diapers 24/7, they make not end up liking the reality of it.  Many people can pretend to be incontinent and wear diapers 24/7, but in those “certain” situations they may not want to wear a diaper or they may not want to mess or wet in a certain situation they are in.  Situations that make people nervous such as office environment, parties, get-togethers with friends, dates, etc.  These situations a lot of times are avoided by people who “pretend” to wear diapers 24/7 because they can cause issues in multiple ways.  But, with incontinence, there is no way out of it – you are wearing a diaper or some sort of protection and that is that.  So, if you are scared to mess in a diaper possibly at work, then incontinence is probably going to be difficult for you to come to terms with.

I am naturally a person who does not care what others think to some degree but that does not mean I am not respectful or smart about it.  Dealing with incontinence and wearing diapers in the workplace can be handled appropriately and not in some flamboyantly obvious way.

Incontinence does not wait until you are away from your friends or co-workers to cause to you mess or wet.  Incontinence does not give you the luxury of controlling how fast or how much you urinate or mess.  It just comes and whatever it is, it is.  You deal with the ramifications of it being too much too quick as it happens.  This is precisely the reason why I choose more quality adult diapers because in the end, you cannot predict whether you are going to go a lot or a little.

It may seem like a neat idea to be totally helpless and to wet or mess diapers uncontrollably to some but let me tell you, a lot of situations arise where it is not so “neat”.  I will give you a perfect example that happened to me a few years ago.  I went out to lunch with some new girlfriends I had met in class in college.  We first went shopping and then hit up some deli style restaurant.  None of these girls knew about my incontinence or diapers as I had not really come to that point of telling them.  So, I had on at the time an Attends with Waistband diaper (this was before Bambino Diapers came along) and no booster.  Well, I had for breakfeast some bran flakes with strawberries in it which ended up being the perfect storm for me.  Needless to say, I ended up completely messing in my diaper at lunch and I hadn’t turned blushed or been emberrassed in a long time but I was super emberrassed.  Obviously, they smelled it and by my reaction and what not could tell that something had happened.  To make a long long long long story short, I had to spill the beans right there at the table about my incontinence, diapers, etc all while sitting in a messed diaper…you want to talk about humiliating.  Not exactly the situation I envisioned telling them.  One of them was actually totally weirded out obviously (eventually came to terms and didn’t care) but the other two girls really were quite sympathetic and felt bad they had even shown a reaction to the smell of the diaper.  None of them disbanded me as a friend or anything, which I was so worried might happen.  But, fortunately, I handled it the best I could and thought on my feet.

I have countless stories similar to this that just happen and you can’t help it.  You learn to think on your feet quickly and react quickly that is for sure.  But, the reality of incontinence is that you have to have patience with yourself as become accustomed to a change in lifestyle.  Its not all peaches and cream with incontinence so be sure to keep that in mind next time you think about wanting to become incontinent.  Obviously, some of you I am sure fantasize about that exact situation I was just in, but let me tell you, being THAT person is not a fantasy you want to live…it was quite humiliating at first..

By |2017-07-17T21:42:27+00:00March 5th, 2010|Uncategorized|22 Comments


  1. Hinck March 5, 2010 at 7:07 pm - Reply

    BRAVO,this is one your best posts that I have read. I have been a DL for most of my life but now as I’m into my 50s I am starting to have minor issues that have to be dealt with.
    When I was nine, the doctor said that the inside of my bladder looked like the inside of a sixty year old mans. Well, that was forty years ago so I can only imagine what it looks like now. I am having some tests next month to see what’s going on.
    Bottom line is that those of us in the AB/DL world (As well as the world in general)need to be repectful of others and not push our fantasys on them.

  2. rebaka March 5, 2010 at 7:48 pm - Reply

    I was sent home from work cause i pooed in my diaper. My boss still loves me but, i have not been back to work yet. huggs, beka

  3. Jks16 March 5, 2010 at 8:16 pm - Reply

    Thanks for the great post.
    I must admit that It was really scary when I first woke up a little wet. It got worse when It continued. It was really bad because I have customers come to my apartment all the time… what to do with the smell? Needless to say there was a reason why I got a new futon and moved to a new apartment.
    Granted I like the whole AB fantasy, because it has given me a “cute” way to deal with a leaky bladder at night.

    Sure the AB thing is good for me alone at night, in my own little apartment. But if my bladder decides to gets worse, I know I would have to be more A than B about it to deal with it. I am always thinking about it… I really don’t want to cause any problems to other people, especially on a crowded Japanese train

  4. Nia March 5, 2010 at 9:55 pm - Reply

    My incontinence was from a car accident. When I finally made it home my friends made regular visits to keep me company as I wasn’t really mobile yet. I had a friend (or thought she was) who was visiting when I filled my diaper. Of course the odor got out and my SO getting me up to go change brought my condition to the fore front. I will never forget my friend looking right at me and said “you wear diapers and s*it your self omg” at which point she left never to call me again. That incident has made me work incredibly hard to keep my incontinence from any one else but extremely close friends from then on.

  5. Corxy March 5, 2010 at 10:24 pm - Reply

    I know exactly what you’re talking about. So many ABs, DLs, and most of all, ignorant TBs talk about their desires to be incontinent. They don’t exactly know what they’re saying. They’re all just ignorant and naive. The real stupid ones are the ones that try to be incontinent.

  6. brian March 6, 2010 at 1:59 am - Reply

    hello i have sufferd since as far back as 7yrs old… after falling out of meny of high objects the plubming has not been right since but i feel your pain about a lil or a lot when you think your diaper will hold out lil longer and you leak or in my case talking to customers at my parts desk and i fill my pants… it dose suck a whole lot… but there is some up side, long trip and dont have to stop to potty thats if you dont mess, the movies dont have to get up at the best parts, and long ass line ups.. iv meet some very understanding people about my needs and 90% dont care they care bout me not what i have to wear…

  7. Joshua March 6, 2010 at 2:01 am - Reply

    Really good entry.

  8. TinLizzie March 6, 2010 at 3:13 am - Reply

    Excellent entry. Thank you for sharing some of the difficulties you’ve experienced.

    I’ve been a DL for about 20 years, enjoying wearing diapers when I was sure I could get away with it, with no one the wiser.

    Last year, I had two cervial fusions done, and I’ve been having continence issues since about two months before surgery. While in the hospital, I had to be cath’ed because I had absolutely no urge to go. Several days after surgery I started getting the urge back, but my functional capacity was huge, and by the time I realized I had to go I had about five seconds to get to a toilet. I’m still having the same problem, and it is making life difficult.

    At work, I deal with flying droplets of molten metal, which makes wearing a cath and leg-bag impractical. When younger and dumber, I wanted to be truly incontinent. Now that I pretty much am, I have a hard time believing how stupid a wish that was.

    Thank you for iheartdiapers. Being willing to share your strength… Thank you.

  9. black-dragon March 6, 2010 at 12:53 pm - Reply

    This is a really good entry for all of reality. All medical reasons related with diapers no problem as long as you know your facts. ABDL/personal reasons, I think you will be in for one rocky road if you don’t have a solid game plan. I kinda wish I knew what I know now say a few years ago. Ugly divorce. Yeah to wear for AB/DL Reasaon get all the info you can. One extremly hard reality lesson leard the major hard way. The next time I ever meet a new girlfriend for me, I’ll diffently break it all down and make it easier to deal with and see what happens.
    Say, turn it into little jokes to help break the ice. Besides my own personal reasons and ABDL reasons, I’ve also planned for and wore diapers for a few practical reasons as well. Yeah, Its a tough balancing to find the reasons for anyone that wears diapers and sometimes maybe to justicfi it to yourself or the person you want to share with. Make sure you are well prepared for the course you end up taking.

  10. Brian March 6, 2010 at 4:00 pm - Reply

    Excellent post! Very well said! I was a DL for much of my life and always thought it would be cool to be in diapers 24/7. Now that I have incontinence issues, I realize it is not as much fun to be in diapers 24/7. First of all, they are not as comfortable on a permanent basis – – especially in the summer heat and humidity. Second, it is embarrassing to wear them all the time and to be exposed to various doctors and nurses. I have had at least 7-8 doctors see me in diapers and probably more nurses. I am getting used to being seen in diapers by professionals but I don’t want every co-worker and friend to know that I wear diapers or for them to see me in them. Since I only have urinary incontinence I have an easier task than those of you who are incontinent of bladder and bowel. Much harder to deal with a soiled diaper than a wet diaper.

    However, the bottom line is that for you that think wearing diapers 24/7 would be cool, think again. It’s fun, comfortable and convenient at times, but it’s not cool to be in diapers 24/7. Always best to have options. Sometimes I have the option, sometimes I don’t. My preference is to have the option.


  11. Blind Freak March 6, 2010 at 11:03 pm - Reply

    Greetings. This is one of your best posts I think, as others have said before. I used to fantasise about being inco until I experienced a hormone change that lead to temporary urinary incontinence… I now know that it’s not something I’d kill myself if I encountered again, but it isn’t something I actively seek either. I do still love diapers, and consider them a temporary indulgence and reward for good behavior, grinning at how completely opposite to reality that sounds. I love ice cream, but eating it for every single meal with nothing else just makes me sick, if you take my meaning. I have been blind since birth, and never had to endure the horrors that those who lose their site suffer through, so I understand how being incontinent since birth might make it easier due to never having had to adjust like so many of our blind and incontinent cohorts who encountered these conditions later in life. I am curious though, never having been either fecal incontinent or around anyone who was, how do people react to the sudden sounds and smells when an unintended soiling occurs? Are most people able to handle it with both your and their dignity relatively intact? Sorry for being so long, but this issue is near to my heart. Finally, please tell Peter to get his diapered butt blogging again, as he’s a good writer with lots to say. It’s no offense if he gets less hits than you, he’s just not as well known. The way to remmody that is get posting.

  12. erfie59 March 7, 2010 at 2:39 pm - Reply

    Hi. Your article on incontinence was amazing and I am glad that you shared your thoughts, feelings and experiences with us. In some of these diaper boards I have read about so many people asking for ways to help them become incontinent and to me this is really silly. I have never been incontinent although I love wearing diapers, but as I get a bit older (51) I find that sometimes it is a race to see if I can make it to the bathroom. I have never had an accident yet, but at times it feels like it is definitely coming. I have an online friend and we talk about what it would be like to wear diapers to work. Right now I am glad I have the choice but who nows what is going to happen in the future. Keep up the great work blogging, Adrian. You are providing very useful knowledge to those of us who are not incontinent at present.

  13. TinLizzie March 7, 2010 at 8:40 pm - Reply

    In my work, I get exposed to both extremes- hot and sweaty one minute, then freezing the next. Diapers are uncomfortable when I’m too hot, and I’ve gotten heat rashes before that were definitely unpleasant to deal with. Cleanliness and a higher-quality powder are essential.

    On one hand, diapers have saved me from having accidents when I’ve crammed myself into a tight spot down in a tank or void. When vessels come into our dry-docks they always shut down the heads (restrooms). This may mean that the nearest restroom is a honey-bucket port-a-potty over 100 yards away.

    On the other hand, it can be difficult to remain discrete in a soaked diaper, crawling on hands and knees in a tank, manouvering through lightening holes and access covers, climbing ladders, grabbing a fresh diaper and finding someplace to change. Disposal can be a pain, too. I’ve waited for others to leave the restroom before I exited the stall so no one would see me throwing away a used diaper.

    Working in an industial environment where everyone strives to be “tough” can be a pain. Intolerance must be dealt with, and I’ve run into people who have told me that I’m a fool to continue working. My usual response is, “I’m not dead yet! I’m not paralyzed, I’m not suffering the pain I was prior to surgery, so why NOT work for my paycheck?”

    If only there were “mental diapers” for those immature people who get grossed out by it all….

  14. johnny March 9, 2010 at 5:37 am - Reply

    Been a long time lurker of your Blog. First time poster. Very well Said. One of your best posts. Having been dealing with incontinence since birth I completely agree with you…

    One of my most embarassing moments in recent times was messing at a job interview. During my School years all I ever wanted was control of it…

  15. Bryan March 10, 2010 at 5:16 pm - Reply

    Thanks for the insight, Adrian. Been a DL for quite a few years and I don’t think anyone who isn’t incontinent gets it at first. Takes a while for someone to really understand why permanent incontinence is such a burden. I think I am very blessed to have quite good control over my body. We are who we are, and we shouldn’t want to change that.

  16. Sierra March 10, 2010 at 10:33 pm - Reply

    I must say that I truely love your website and love the fact that you are so open-minded about your incontinence. I am like you, I am incontinent on both sides and have been since birth. Most people know about it and are ok with it, but there are still a lot of people that don’t know. I was just wondering what are the best ways to deal with incontinence in public. I have issues with people “staring at me” when I’m walking around or at the mall like they know that I am wearing a diaper. If you could help me with this issue, I would greatly appreciate it.

  17. […] wanted to follow up on my previous post “The Reality of Incontinence” and add some additional thoughts.  If you haven’t read my previous post (i.e. Part […]

  18. Ryan.WA March 8, 2011 at 8:51 pm - Reply

    Hi, adrian my name is Ryan, im a bit of a diaper lover, i was wondering if u know its possible without meds, or surgery if one can become fully incontient by using them 24/7? by the way im new to this site. would like to her ur opinion.

  19. Randy Bailey July 3, 2011 at 2:52 am - Reply

    First of all i want to say that i understand and agree with most of thses people but i must say you are complete and utter asshole i too am incontinent due to the fact that my friend thought it was an ok idea to drop kick my back nearly drownt that day and still thinking about revenge but still for you people to say this stupid shit about people who want to become like this are complete and utter douchebags i mean come on if they want to be like that don’t condemn them we are all looking for acceptance and its a wonder that any of you have friends at all if this is how you act towards innocent people who dont mean any harm i will admit there are some creeps in the ab/dl world but also take note in the fact that they are not all creeps and not all of them are that bad so cool it off with the ab/dl bashing calling them stupid if anyone is its the very person who calls them that like i said we are all looking for acceptance so get your heads out your asses and stop letting your mouths be like our useless urinary/bowel muscles and STFU seriously i’m tired of the crap (no pun intended)

  20. Jonathon Mirza March 25, 2012 at 5:34 am - Reply

    well I been wearing 24/7 for 8 months now following “The 12 Month Diaper Training Program and I have actualy had alot of sucsess with training myself to be incontinent. I have wanted this since I was 14 and I am now 24. I started back last year in june, now im just as incontinent as the 12 month old I wish I am on the inside. I agreee with your article though, incontience is no small picnic, now that im wetting the bed every night the laundry load has increased 10 fold, I do use those disposable absorbant bed sheets though. I think they are called chucks. I wear the Tena Slip Maxi Large brand they work fine for the day, almost no leaks, but whenever im sleeping because i sleep on my side, this means i offten leak while sleeping luckily i have the chucks, so the bed sheets get someprotection. But eaven still, while 24/7 incontinence is more work then i thought it would be, its what i have always wanted. As an Adult Baby I have always felt that it’s wrong to be potty traind as an adult, I felt this was so since I was 16.

  21. Erik December 21, 2012 at 12:26 am - Reply

    I’m starting to experience incontinence from wearing diapers by choice. Most relaxing feeling for me in my opinion, the feeling of just knowing you’re not holding anything anymore.

  22. Sofia November 23, 2014 at 8:55 pm - Reply

    Wow another important post you have here Adrian.

    Being a Diaper Lover and an Adult Baby can be fun and wonderful but when you want to have incontinence for fun to enjoy diapers more you must understand the reality of incontinence because it is sure frustrating and challenging for those of you who want to be incontinence for fun.

    You must get use to it and be aware of incontinence before you consider yourself as an incontinence lover.

    But its ok, everyone here is smart to make the right choices for yourselves.

    Adrian is proud of all of you.


Leave A Comment